Shae Hadden

commitment

Nothing to Fix

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“People don’t need to be fixed. The job of coaching is showing people they have a choice and helping them see they can bring forth different futures, different realities into existence.”
Jim Selman

I’m surrounded by books about coaching and leadership from the library again…looking at my calendar and wondering why I do this to myself every so often. It’s as if I believe I need to know as much as possible about a subject before having an opinion of my own. Yet when it comes down to it, books never serve me when it comes to saying something in a conversation that makes a difference in someone’s life.

Case in point.

This week  a friend was telling me about what’s happening in their life. The conversation quickly turned into a downward spiral of blaming others for what wasn’t working. After a while, the monologue came to a dead stop.

I invited them to engage in a coaching conversation, but they declined. Later that night, I realized they were probably thinking my offer implied there was something ‘wrong’ with them, that I wanted to ‘fix’ them or their life. From their perspective, people are ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ and the future is going to be pretty much the same as the past. From my perspective, people are neither ‘right’ nor ‘wrong’. And the future each person is living into is their choice.

I feel like there was a mistake made here. I wish I could replay our conversation and tell them a bit more about coaching and who they are for me before I made the offer. Because I actually think this person is a wonderful human being—gifted, talented, kind and generous. I accept them and their life as it is. My offer came from my commitment to them being fulfilled and happy.

My big ‘aha’ in this is that it’s all a matter of choice.

I can let this all go: there really is nothing to fix in them or in me. And when an opportunity to share this with them shows up, I will.

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This blog post by Shae Hadden is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

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Are you REALLY who you think you are?

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“Human identity is the most fragile thing that we have, and it’s often only found in moments of truth.”
Alan Rudolph

Many of us move through life with just enough of a sense of who we are to function. We have labels for ourselves—like entrepreneur and divorcee, athlete and author—that help define our roles in society and what we do. We have behaviors—like quiet and attentive, focused and caring—that reflect our personality. And we have attributes—like short and petite, lithe and highly allergic—that describe our physicality.

I am all of these. And yet, there is more.

Last weekend my first official coach training course began. On the last day, one of those crystal clear moments of truth allowed me to see who I am in the world. The group was sharing with each person candid ‘popcorn’ feedback. I really wanted to hear how I showed up to this group of relative strangers who were offering to lend me a helping hand. So, as part of being coached in this way, I listened generously to what they saw in me that they want to see more of. I took in what they want me to play with in my way of being.

After they finished, I realized I’m not really who I thought I was. I am who they say I am.

I am the woman I wanted to become 7 years ago. I am not the woman I thought I still was.

That insight—that we can become however we choose to be—shook me. And has had me thinking all week.

Who will I choose to become next?

I don’t know exactly who. But I do know it will have some relationship to my commitments.

More later….

 

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Being Coached by Shae Hadden is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

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Coach Me!

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“The will to win, the desire to succeed, the urge to reach your full potential… these are the keys that will unlock the door to personal excellence.”
Confucius

My conversations this week with several high-performing executives weave together desire and humility. Take a sincere desire to learn and grow in service of something greater than yourself. Add the humble wisdom that you need to have someone you can trust showing you what you cannot see about yourself. Shake and stir—and you’ve got a powerful aperitif for coaching.

The high achievers I’ve been speaking with have already succeeded at stepping up to new challenges, starting new enterprises, dealing with constant change, and managing teams. But at some point, each of them recognized they needed to deeply engage with their leadership style or presence if they wanted to continue achieving and accelerating their results.

Their commitment to lead their companies in these uncertain times and deliver value to all stakeholders is unshakeable.

Their desire to be coached matches their desire to succeed—no matter what their circumstances.

Whenever people come to coaching with this “Coach me!” attitude, coaches have an opportunity to contribute fully.

A coachee who is committed to contribute the best of who they are, to become whomever they have to be in order to fulfill their commitments in the world, and to empower others to develop their full potential. This type of person inspires me to contribute my best to empowering them—and to become the best coach I can be.

Interesting reciprocity there….

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Being Coached by Shae Hadden is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

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