As much as we want to write, sometimes we covertly work against ourselves. I’m not talking about writer’s block. I’m talking about attracting circumstances that test our commitment, our resolve, our ability to persevere.
Of course, I have to keep a roof over my head, food on the table, clothes on my back. I do what must be done to be responsible for my own health and well-being. I’m not interested in playing out the starving artist in the garret story. Anything I create will never be more important than my wellbeing—for if I’m not well, I cannot create or be responsible for sharing my creations with the world. Thinking this way, I could let self-responsibility take full priority in my life, and let the book slide.
Yet, I feel a responsibility for this book I’m creating as well. I cannot NOT complete it.
I’ve been working full out to be responsible for both myself and the book for over a year. And this past week, I’ve been forced to stop.
A car accident and the flu simultaneously.
As I’ve been focused on healing and recovering for the past few days, I find it really hard not to do a guilt trip on myself. Maybe I should have taken better care of my immune system. Maybe I should have listened to that intuition that said to not take that particular trip in the car that day. Maybe I should have stayed home and kept writing. But guilt about not writing for the past 8 days and about the choices that didn’t end the way I would have liked doesn’t get me anywhere. In fact, it’s not just my circumstances stopping me from starting back again…even if just for a few minutes at a time. It’s having given my power away to the guilt.
So I’m letting go of making myself feel bad. I’m letting go of expectations about how long and by when I’m going to finish rewriting the book. And I’m letting go of the idea that finishing the book is the last thing I have to do before I die.
I don’t need to die for this book. And I don’t need to die when it’s finished.
I will die. But God willing, not now.
Writing this blog brings me back to how easy it is to be a writer. Just putting aside whatever thinking it was that stopped me from being in action without expectation…and writing.
This feels radical.
What thinking are you hanging onto that’s stopping you from writing?
This blog post by Shae Hadden is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
Photo credit: Flickr – thecrazyfilmgirl